A Message to My Three Year Old

Before Vanessa and I discovered we were pregnant, I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of having kids. We were both so busy with our business (SqueeTone’s Guitars), that it wasn’t even on our collective radar. With our focus being solely on that, we knew we both wanted kids we just didn’t take time to discuss it seriously. Our dinner conversations usually went something like this: “What are we not doing at the shop that we should be doing in order to generate more revenue.” While that was a common conversation, sometimes we were so exhausted that we didn’t talk at all. When money is in short supply and business isn’t going the way you’d like, growing your family isn’t necessarily priority number one.

After a few lines on a home pregnancy test and a visit to the doctor, it was confirmed. We were going to be parents. We didn’t really know how to react. We were elated, scared, concerned, and generally flooded with emotion. Then, after coming off of the high of those emotions, it’s a new battery of fears that hit us like a ton of bricks. How will this affect our business? What changes must be made now? What changes must be made in the future? Parents, I am sure, are quite familiar with these fears and concerns. I don’t particularly believe that we ever really took the time to enjoy Vanessa’s pregnancy. It took our little Lily’s birth in order for everything to really sink in…er…perhaps that is a poor choice of words. At the time, we were struggling with business and the shop was all we thought about. While Vanessa was laboring with Lily, I received a call from our alarm company that the alarm had been tripped and they had called the police. I wasn’t thrilled to answer the phone at the time, but we were consumed by our business, as most business owners are. I stayed with Vanessa for a short period, but because she was in the early stages of labor, I left the hospital for thirty minutes or so to run to our store, which was about a five minute drive from he hospital.

Upon arriving, my worst fears came to fruition. We had been one month behind on rent at our shop, and the owner rekeyed the locks. I was devastated. This was late in the evening, and there was no access to the company that owned the building anyway, so I went back to the hospital to witness our daughter’s birth. It would be a few hours before she was born, but in true fashion, I was so focused on the proverbial “spoon of oil” that it ate me alive throughout our stay at the hospital. Thankfully, Lily, was born a beautiful and healthy baby, which of course is a huge relief for any parent.

After Lily arrived, and we were able to get her home a few short days later, then we shifted our focus to getting our rent paid and getting access back to our shop. This post is not about those moments leading up to and including her birth which was a twenty-four hour period of sheer insanity. This post is what I want her to know about the day she was born, and here is my message to her:

Lily, I want you to understand just how incredibly important your arrival was to us. At the time of your birth we were so fearful of the current state of our lives. We were broke, we didn’t know how we were going to find a way. Then, all of those trivial emotions melted away the second we saw you. We realized that everything else was completely superficial. You were the calm within the eye of the storm surrounding us. When we thought for sure the world would come crashing down upon us, there you were to remind us that all would be perfect. You were there to remind us that while life is fleeting, your beautiful journey had just begun. You were then, and you are now, a shining light in our lives reminding us to focus on the truly important things in our lives. We are so thankful for you, and want you to know that no matter where your life takes you, your Mom and Dad will always be there for you. Just as you were there for us when we needed you most. Happy Birthday Lilliana. Thank you for being our daughter.

Love,

Your Mom and Dad

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